Blogging. I don't even know what that is, yet here I am doing it. I typically write in a journal, and the idea of putting my thoughts on an open database for the world to see kind of freaks me out. A journal is protected, only a close few have looked upon its pages. Now here I am letting portions of my life become an open book. The best part is-I'm okay with that.
You see my days have become blurred. I typically do the same thing every day. Wake up, go to work, whether that be with a high maintenance seven year old and her punching bag three year old sister, or a 45 minute drive up to Windsor to sit at a mostly unoccupied salon for six hours. After I'm off work, if I'm feeling good (or rather bad) about myself I'll hit the gym for a couple hours, or more recently go on a yes, 4.5 mile run with my best friend. After that it's time for bed to repeat the system in the morning. I'm a girl trapped in thiis course of life just dying to get out. I honestly have no idea where to go. So this so-called-life I live is safe, and I'm sick of being safe.
Which brings me back to blogging. It's not exactly comfortable territory for me. I'm taking baby steps. So far so good. The idea of blogging just recently came to my attetion. I've always loved to write, and I've started several book (which obviously never got very far. I procrastinate-who doesn't?), but nothing has ever stuck. I'm addicted to the internet, facebook mainly, so I figured I'm just combining both worlds.
I have a mentor, role model, one of my best friends, and she is slowly changing the way I live my life. She makes me want to take chances, live life for Jesus, and just be happy. Life is too short. I'm sure if you're reading this you know who she is, Mollie Owens. She's loud, hilarious, smart, caring, and humble. Who wouldn't want that as somebody to look up to. Because of her I've found myself becoming "quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry." - James 1:19. Which this is a HUGE thing for me. Most people probably don't know this (or maybe you do, which is bad haha), but I have a pistol of a temper and if you set me off I'm very quick to speak hurtful things, and quick to become angry. This has lessoned since becoming close with Mollie, and I think I've started to realize what the rea reason behind it is.
Mollie has been the number one most influential person that has connected me back to God. Everything else that's slowly started happening in my life has been because Christ has been working in my life. Mollie has been the one to spur me along, and hold me accountable for my actions, which sometimes I want to ignore, but she always knows best. Without her acceptance and guidance I would have fallen back long ago. So maybe she's not the one working in my life, and the one I'm leaning on through every tough time, but she IS the one who led me to the person who can hold me up through any situation, and for that I'm forever grateful.
I don't know what's coming next, and it's kind of exciting. I don't need a mapped out plan of my life. I'd like to think of myself as spontaneous, and carefree. It's about time I start living a life not according to my own agenda, but to God's agenda for my life. It took me twenty years to feel like my life was finally getting on track, and I'm not about to revert back to old ways. Like my pastor, Jim always says, there are two cards on the table and you have the choice to choose which life you want to live. I've already seen where one card leads, and that's to unhappiness, anxiety, and stress. I'm not sure where the other card will lead me, but why not take it? I know God is down that path and that's gotta be a better life to live.
Living a life, and openly proclaiming your faith in Jesus Christ is a hard thing to do, and it shouldn't be taken lightly. I see people going through the motions all the time, and I think that that is even worse than saying you don't believe. At least you say you are unsure of God and are honest about situations you aren't being a hypocrite. It's the people that say they are living a life for God yet display God through poor choices and actions in their lives that are the ones I strive to not be like. "So because you are lukewarm--neither hot nor cold--I will spit you from my mouth." - Revelation 3:16.
I am nowhere near to living a perfect Godly life, and I make mistakes ALL the time, but I know I have friends like Mollie who push me along and lift me up through all the bad times. I have a family who is just as dysfunctional as the next, but show me what unconditional love really is. And I have a growing faith in God that I hope will never leave me. I guess you could say I have a pretty good life, even though this new chapter of my life has just begun.
P.S. Possible testimony soon to come! --well we'll see how it works out ;)
J
